Recommendations for Coping Well During the COVID 19 Pandemic

For Couples:

Collaboration:  As challenges emerge within your home, joint decision-making is crucial.  You and your spouse are the co-owners of your family business, and each of you will have portions of duties related to being CFO, Chief Technology Officer (which may get delegated to a smart teen), Head Chef, Chief Environment Officer, Classroom Teacher for those with younger children, School Principal for those with
teenagers, and Chief People Officer trying to keep everyone safe and happy.  Carve out a few minutes each day independent from children overhearing to check-in on how each of you are doing with the assigned duties.

Establish routines:  Understand and respect each other’s work schedules; consider a large calendar with markers to show what times your spouse is truly unavailable.

Embrace Space:  If you have not done so by now, ensure you each have your own “office” and your children have their own “play spaces.”

Avoid Pushing for Sexual Intimacy :  Stress hampers libido in 85% of adults.  When you feel interested, then
create a safe and nurturing environment with no strings attached to see if the desire is mutual. 
Focus on Small Blessings:  Gratitude is essential for experiencing hope.  Thank your spouse for how s/he
contributed to the day going well.  Don’t have meals in front of the TV, but rather share a meal talking together as a couple keeping the conversation focused on our blessings and how we are helping each other

Strategies when Unsafe:  If you have been a victim of domestic violence, no quarantine is more important than your health. Local resources are available through Broward County’s Women in Distress 954 761 1133.

For Parents:

Create a Plan:  Be clear with your kids about the local guidelines about what’s allowed and what’s not including curfews, off limits spaces like pools and gyms, wearing masks if helping with errands,
and the risks associated with sharing sports equipment and toys with friends who don’t live with you.

Make it Fun:  Board games, card games, rotate who chooses a movie or program for everyone to watch and discuss, take a family hike or bicycle trip

Keep Kids Close:  You can hug those you are living with; those are the only people that your kids can hug right now, so your affection and reinforcement of comfort is critical.  Depending upon their age and level of responsibility, decide whether to have children accompany you to a grocery store or pharmacy

Be Honest with Your Children:  Communicate about the facts of the situation.  For middle school and high school students, consider watching the local news together and then discuss as a family .  Let children
express their feelings and comfort them when expressing worry or sadness.

Give Kids Control:  Give kids choices about what game to play what song to sing, what meal to cook together,

Read Books:  This is not the best time for scary books, but uplifting, fun books and those whose storylines are encouraging and uplifting.

Let Kids Help:  Delegating cleaning chores, and cleaning up after pets are a wonderful way to teach responsibility.  Teenagers are likely to embrace showing compassion, particularly for grandparents, other families in need, and their close friends.  Find the balance with being creative and helpful whole staying physically safe.

Be Patient:  Sometimes children regress; those who may have successfully moved forward in stages of development may regress to bed wetting, aggression, obstinance, or screaming uncontrollably.   This will test your patience; if you are fortunate to have a spouse or partner who shares the home, collaborate together.

For Singles:
This is the time when people learn the depth of friendships   Allies are people that you rely on during difficult circumstances.   Confidantes are persons that you entrust with difficult emotions or decisions such that you will typically accept their feedback and still apply the constructive criticism. 

Outside of work hours, please engage with social opportunities online:  Zoom gatherings, discussion groups related to or having nothing to do with COVID 19, online recovery meetings are examples of great outlets. 

Keep updated with CDC guidelines related to sheltering at home, symptomology of COVID v allergies v flu v colds, wearing of masks and gloves outside of home, social distancing recommendations, and local guidelines about accessing businesses and recreational activities. 

Without recommending anyone turn into a hoarder, ensure you have 2 – 3 weeks of food and supplies should
local authorities further restrict options for leaving our homes.  In this area, we have often withstood several
days at home without power post hurricanes; this time we have access to our refrigerators, our ovens, our microwaves, our washers and dryers, our crock pots, our laptops and our cell phones.  This is a great time to practice your cooking or baking skills.

Build those endorphins:  go outside for a bike ride or run, practice yoga, do some calisthenics (push ups, abs, burpees, etc.)

I’m old enough to remember the marketing phrase, “Long distance is the next best thing to being there.”  Choose supportive family members and friends (likely meeting the criteria for allies and confidantes) to speak with by phone for encouragement, for sharing funny stories and coping strategies, and to
affirm that you are managing your COVID response. 

For those of you under the age of 50, the late 1970’s & early 1980’s was a period in history in which HIV and AIDS first became prevalent.  Single persons had to make decisions about risk factors associated with romantic expression and the use of condoms skyrocketed to reduce risk of becoming HIV Positive.  With COVID 19, a hug, a kiss and any form of touch can spread this virus.  Many of us are hopeful that we can return to “normal” in the next few weeks.  For now, I encourage you to be extremely cautious about making any exceptions for intimacy. 

Beginning 2020 with a Fresh Start

The holidays are known as a time of hustle and bustle.  School systems and courtrooms essentially shut down between the Christmas holiday and New Year’s Day.   People purchase the right gifts for their family and friends, then pack luggage and cope with traffic or airport security lines or they prepare to host several family members that are visiting.   And now that 2020 has arrived, people consider losing weight, re-examining one’s career, or reflect upon concerns and feelings that arose during the holiday which motivate changes.

Treatment centers and counseling offices also notice an increase in utilization. Some of the reasons people seek assistance during this New Year include the following:

• Disagreement with a loved one about alcohol or other drug use, and the resulting consequences.

• Recognizing sadness after a family visit that did not meet expectations.

• Wishing communication with a spouse or partner could be improved.     
  Missing a loved one who passed away and the holiday triggered grief.     
  Still feeling anxious or stressed after the holiday period ends.

• Job dissatisfaction, especially if you dread returning to work after the holiday break. 

Clinicians help clients create goals associated with the catalyst for seeking help. To successfully reach those
identified goals, consider utilizing the SMART goals format:

• Specific: Being able to answer who, what, where, when, and why about the objectives.

• Measurable:  Establishing criteria for your objectives to be reached.      
  Attainable: Ensuring that the goals established can come true.    
  Realistic:  Ensuring you are willing to and can execute completion of the goal.

• Timely:  Setting deadlines for achieving the outcomes

For someone who decides to stop using drugs, an example of a SMART goal could be for the next ninety days, I will remain abstinent from alcohol and other drugs, avoid bars and parties, attend at least
three weekly 12-step meetings, and create a relapse prevention plan with both my sponsor and therapist.

For someone who wants to improve communication with his/her partner, SMART goals could include any of the following ideas:  for the month of January, my partner and I will set aside twenty minutes daily to remind each other why we love one another, negotiate a monthly budget to reduce the intensity of arguments about finances, and to discuss any disappointment experienced that day so to re-build a greater level of mutual trust.

For someone who is recognizing grief or unmet expectations from family, shift your focus back to finding joyfulness or happiness.  An example of a SMART goal in this case would be, during January, I will schedule a social event each weekend with a trusted friend that is likely to have me laugh on occasion and feel
grateful that I went out rather than remained sad at home by myself.

For someone who has decided to change jobs because of dissatisfaction in the workplace, SMART goals might include for the next three months, I will distribute my updated resume to at least five LinkedIn connections weekly as well as apply for a minimum of three jobs online weekly with a minimum salary of $xx,000 (specify the amount).

Clinicians who collaborate with you to establish SMART goals will not only monitor your progress, but will provide you with an opportunity to reflect on your feelings and responses to your progress and success as well as discuss any roadblocks your experience along the journey.

One other blessing:  we live in South Florida where you can take a brief respite to stick your toes in the sand and your feet in the ocean as an affirmation that you reside in a wonderfully therapeutic place to live as you
address any concerns that served as a catalyst for seeking help!  Happy New Year.

The Rationale for a Strong Professional Network

Primary care physicians are often viewed as reliable resources to help their patients identify medical specialists who can manage complex medical matters.  In a similar fashion, counselors are entrusted with the emotional well-being of our clients, and subsequently, counselors assist clients with locating valuable resources to cope with a variety of life’s challenges.   Hence, private practice counselors need to maintain a strong professional network to coordinate client referrals.

Some clients have conditions such as bipolar disorder or generalized anxiety disorder that require medication management services from a psychiatrist in addition to the therapy sessions.  Other clients may have Parkinson’s Disease that are best served with a consultation under a neurologist.  Several clients may work with one provider via individual therapy while working with another family therapist in joint sessions with her/his spouse or partner.  Thus, at FTLCFIT, I may provide the family or couples modality while clients are seen for individual therapy by another trusted provider.

I recently published an article citing the importance of outpatient counselors like myself having strong rapport with substance abuse treatment centers to provide clients with intensive outpatient or residential treatment services when necessary to remain clean and sober.  When impacted by relapse, substance abuse clients often require treatment at the more intense level of care than a weekly or bi-weekly individual counseling session.  Given the plethora of choices in South Florida, clients appreciate my ability to steer them towards programs with an established record of successful outcomes for clientele remaining clean and sober.

To ensure client health needs outside of the scope of emotional well-being, counselors can recommend competent and supportive medical professionals.   In Wilton Manors, many HIV Positive clients require physicians and specialists knowledgeable about the latest medication management strategies to maintain client physical well-being.  Transgender clients require experienced physicians who can monitor hormone treatment protocol.  Clients with anxiety disorders really appreciate dentists who are sensitive and thoughtful about explaining dental procedures to ease their angst in a dental chair.  Medical professionals who respect medication limitations for clients in recovery as well as understand the prospective dangers of short-term opiate use are essential referrals for clients actively working recovery processes.

My professional network includes attorneys, financial advisers, realtors, and a variety of home improvement professionals.  Why?  I advocate that professional networks extend beyond having a strong referral network of other clinicians, treatment facilities and medical professionals to assist with many of the key needs noted by Maslow’s hierarchy for good living.

Family law attorneys can ensure legal procedures are followed for the adoption of a child and/or to negotiate a divorce.  Estate planning attorneys ensure the financial well-being of a surviving spouse, partner or other family member through creation of wills; these professionals also ensure that health care advocates or financial power of attorneys are documented for clients with critical health issues.  Financial advisers ensure clients are investing properly for retirement goals as well as considering disability insurance and long-term health care options applicable to the client’s family situation.

Counselors may even recommend realtors to support a client’s decision to own a home and/or a business location.  Clinicians with extended networks may recommend electricians and home repair specialists, such as roofers or plumbers, to ensure a client’s home remains a safe and healthy environment to experience the joys of living.  And in our region, connecting someone to a disaster cleaning service or hurricane claims adjuster following a storm causing damage to a client’s home is a welcome relief.

Rather than be a counselor who is only concerned about a client’s progress during his or her therapy sessions, I remain committed to ensuring that clients may also benefit from recommendations to other knowledgeable and competent professionals to ensure emotional, physical, financial, mental and social balance and well-being.