Choose a Cause

Tom Rath and Jim Harter, authors of the book Well Being, note that giving back to the community is often beyond pure altruism because the “giver” has an emotional tie to that entity’s mission or cause.  Volunteers with a vested interest usually have more to offer because of all of their knowledge and personal mission.

During the past month, several friends shared about these events:

• Friend who completed the South Florida AIDS walk to raise money for HIV Prevention
• Friend who cooked gallons of black bean soup for Ruth’s Ministry, a dedicated weekly ministry to feed financially disadvantaged persons in Fort Lauderdale
• Friend who is organizing a fundraiser for Meth and Men, a group of local community leaders trying to reduce crystal meth use within the South Florida Gay community
• Friend running in the BKB Foundation 5K in Washington DC which provides prospective first-generation college students with scholarships and visits to college campuses
• Friend who is collecting a group of volunteers to help with home renovation for a DC based group similar in philosophy to Habitat for Humanity
• Friend who volunteers to coordinate the room at a community center to ensure daily Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous meetings are available
• Friend who volunteers time on the neo-natal unit of a hospital assisting the nursing staff with care of the premature babies in their healing processes 

Each of these friends has identified a personal cause and is donating their time and talent to assist the mission of the identified organization.  Sometimes clients are surprised when I inquire about their current volunteer commitments.   Frequently, they report a decrease in these types of volunteer activities that coincides with an increase of the challenges (depression, substance abuse, family conflict, etc.) that brought them into the counseling process.  Resuming volunteer activities is often one of the treatment goals identified to reduce the presenting negative symptoms. 

I encourage my Blog followers to take a moment and reflect upon your current volunteer activities with the following questions:

• Am I passionate about the mission of this organization?
• Do I experience joy and happiness during my volunteer participation?
• Whom amongst my friends might I want to encourage joining me in this type of volunteer service?

Take some time this week to support your heartfelt volunteer missions; you’ll be glad you did.

Embracing Change (March 2014)

Although I have been a sports fan since a young child, I struggled to find success as an athlete.   Being taller than most other peers, I could rebound a basketball, but scoring points was quite a challenge due to my lack of shooting accuracy.   I was a catcher and outfielder in Little League, however, not much of a hitter.   And if the pitcher was throwing a “curve ball,” I rarely got a hit.   But as an adult, I strive to make the best of being thrown curve balls.

A few weeks ago, the clinicians whom I rent part-time office space from decided to retire this Spring.  David Fawcett and Collis Kimbrough have been excellent role models as well as mentors for developing my local practice.  Each has been praised for their work with assisting persons with substance abuse recovery and for healing work with HIV Positive clients.  Rather than panic about their pending respective retirements, I started to identify opportunities for locating a new practice location in Fort Lauderdale.

Coping with curve balls usually requires a strategic plan as well as outside support.  A brief list of ideal hours, size of the office space, and qualities of prospective new colleagues helped me focus on the possibilities.   A long-distance call to one of my best friends provided a wonderful surprising affirmation: “It’s been awhile since you’ve had no angst in your voice.  Florida is truly your home and you will find the new space for your clinical practice.”  Another call to a local colleague resulted in an interview.

Beginning the first week of April, I will have my own office in a suite at Wilton Plaza with Rena Conley, a long-standing well-respected clinician known for her work with PTSD and facilitating EMDR, and Lyle Davis, a licensed social worker with an outstanding reputation working with the local LGBT community.  I am honored to be sharing space with Rena and Lyle.  There are walls to be painted, furniture to arrange, business cards to print, office hours will expand and signs to order.  All of these tasks ensure the office opens efficiently; completing each task yields a smile to my face.

I remain committed to helping my clients embrace change in their lives.  Identifying the obstacles or challenges associated with a pending change of circumstances combined with the support of friends and loved ones is a great way to find success with life’s changes.   Cheers to the new office and new adventures!

What Does Love Mean?

The quote, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry” from the novel and motion picture Love Story has been cited as one of the most quoted catchphrases of all time while also being the subject of much criticism.  Since Valentine’s Day will be celebrated this week, it seems appropriate to reflect on love, forgiveness, and “I’m sorry.”

Often when couples enter the therapy office, both parties identify various levels of hurt or resentment that has surfaced in their marriage/partnership related to one of more precipitating events.  The initial steps of couples therapy include identifying the root cause and the affects of the event(s), the current impact of the hurtful event(s) related to both person’s emotions, as well as its impact on the future plans of the couple.

It is critical to understand how the couple fell in love, what traits of their spouse does each party respect and admire, as well as how the couple  has successfully negotiated hurtful events in their past to make initial progress.   These three elements create a baseline of data to negotiate and collaborate about what steps to take to address the present day hurt.   And often, those steps include acknowledgement of the pain and frequently involve saying “I’m sorry” with a combination of other action oriented steps.

Most couples who have been together for decades will describe the importance of being best friends for each other.  They also emphasize being loyal during challenging times.  When I am entrusted to work with a couple to resolve a conflict, I focus on affirming each party’s inner strengths as well as restoring trust and resolving conflict. 

Maybe a better definition of love would be that love means owning a daily commitment to ensuring the happiness and well being of my soulmate.